Finding the rainbow in my storm

~ Sharon Uthappa

It was in 2010 when I was first introduced to a counsellor in Bangalore. I did not know what to expect and to be honest, I did not know that I needed counselling (God knows, I needed it!). My brother was going to see one that my mother found out through her connections, and I was asked to tag along. My brother and I were close, so naturally, I went along with the suggestion. My family thought I needed counselling because I lacked self-confidence and self-worth; even when I had everything on paper. Well, this was because I was bullied in school and emotionally abused for most of my life. I thought it was normal to be that way. My family was not fully aware of the demons that I battled with every day, so if a counsellor could help me, why not try it?

Back to meeting my first counsellor. I showed up for my appointment. Well, I had no option, to be honest- my brother’s appointment was before mine and he was driving us. The counsellor was a woman, so that was comforting. She had a session with my brother and I was next. There were no ‘rules’ or ‘guidelines’ about the session for me to follow. Every minute made me feel more anxious, more nervous, and more paranoid. Would I be judged? Would I be put down? Would I hear ‘it’s all in your head’ again? My brother came out, smiled, and said, ‘don’t worry, just be yourself. 'Big help, thank you!' I thought So I went in and nervously sat down in the room with the counsellor across me. She must have noticed my state of mind and tried to put me at ease. It helped a bit. She asked me why I chose to be here and I told her what was on the top of my mind. She then went on to ask me a few uncomfortable questions and I tried giving her honest answers. But, she was not listening to my responses. It seemed like she had already made up her mind. And this was what she confirmed after 45 minutes when she concluded that my mother was the problem and nothing can be done. I went in confused and anxious and came out FUMING. Not only was I not listened to (which a counsellor’s supposed to do), she made me feel more on edge, angry and confused. I came away thinking that something is wrong with me (again!). To say the least, that was my first and last session with that counsellor.

Cut to 2014, when I enrolled for a Master’s degree in Counselling in Sydney, Australia. My bad experience with that counsellor perhaps was the turning point of what I will pursue as a profession. I was curious how other friends, who saw counsellors, seem to have a better experience than me. I wanted to learn how it was done- what is counselling, why is it important to take care of our mental health, and the many ways you can support the other person. My course taught me how to be an ethical and efficient mental health psychotherapist. It also taught me the importance of listening to the client, how to make a client feel safe, to be unbiased and non-judgemental, and most importantly, the emphasis of empathy in a session. I was able to experience all of this as a client when I saw a counsellor. Yes, I see a counsellor and it is and has been, a great learning experience. I can say that therapy helped me evolve as a person; understand and process past and made peace with my demons. A few of my sessions with my counsellor helped me reflect on how unhealthy and unprofessional my experience with the counsellor in Bangalore was. Therapy is not about problem-solving or being solution-based and definitely not giving opinions; rather therapy is about being brave to be vulnerable with another person- who is without prejudice. The client trusts the therapist with different aspects of their life and it is the therapist’s responsibility- my responsibility- is to hold this with dignity and care.

Therapy is supposed to make you feel safe, comfortable, keep the information shared confidential, help you process your presenting issue, and perhaps add to your existing toolkit of managing your varied emotions and reactions. You are the expert of your life- not the therapist. They are only able to hold that space for you and maybe encourage a new perspective. Try therapy with a professional and licensed therapist --you never know, your life may just change for the better like mine!